Horse Badorties' Number One Log

Thu, 25 May 2006 05:59:11 GMT

days home: 5

mistakes made that I have payed for: 34 million.

minutes feeling guilty: everyone since 8pm tonight

solution: MTV reality television

Tue, 02 May 2006 05:16:05 GMT

sigh (the happy kind)...good weekend.

Sun, 30 Apr 2006 15:05:02 GMT

bonk.

Wed, 26 Apr 2006 22:52:08 GMT

i lost my ring today. :(

tommorrow will be better.

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 03:31:30 GMT

i also heard that the mumps are going around iowa. that's right, iowa is such a pathetic state that it can be consumed by the mumps. start rationing your corn now guys.

Fri, 07 Apr 2006 03:29:22 GMT

note: lately, i only post on this thing when I am depressed and no one is around. i am thus pleased with the minimal ammount of posts as of recently. however...

i am very lonely today. i need a break from reading supreme court cases and will thus recall my day in true livejournal fashion. I set my alarm for 8:45 so I could get up and do work like I always do on thursdays. I should have known that when the thought of two beautifully done eggs over easy was not enough to get me out of bed, the day would go downhill (I really like eggs). I ended up "sleeping" until 11:20 am when my roommate got back from class. I attepmted to each lunch, and failed miserably, consuming nothing but a banana and half a bag of sunchips. Went to the forum to get 10 minutes of makeshift work done before class. I felt sick to my stomach for all of class and the meeting afterwards with my scary giant of a poli sci prof. decided to go to the gym anyway as to not make the day a complete waste and in retrospect justify the piece of pie i had at dinner. Felt immensly better at the gym due to combination of endorphins and martha stewart teaching me how to make a chef salad (the key is alvocado by the way. Came back to my room to take a shower, and within half an hour felt sick again. dealt with roommate until dinner (always a painful task). dinner. worked with sarah until laura's meeting re:iowa's next governor. came back expecting a phone message. didn't have one. made a phone call expecting a response. didn't get one. read supreme court case. made phone call. still no response. read another case. made another phone call. no response. read another case. needed a break. but no one is around. got lonely and sad. decided posting would be a good idea. i am such a girl. he should have called 3 and a half hours ago. pandora's box indeed. i hope i am using that reference correctly.

all in all i am still greatful that i don't have to write these entries very often. knock on wood. it is, after all, spring.

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 21:04:39 GMT

i forgot how miserable grinnell can be.

and my cell phone got hit by a car.

Fri, 16 Dec 2005 17:30:29 GMT

done....done....done...home.

revised schedule

Mon, 12 Dec 2005 08:12:57 GMT

done already: jew paper. complete with comparison of the hasidim to nazis (inadvertently)

monday: study for major asian religions exam
italian
tuesday: con law exam
italian
(major asian exam)
wednesday: calc
italian
(con law due)
thursday: calc
(italian oral)
friday: (calc test)
(jew paper)
saturday: home....alex....sleep...alex...hapiness.

...

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 05:01:51 GMT

sunday
jew paper
asian study

monday
con law exam
asian study

tuesday
con law exam

wednesday
calc day

thursday
calc day

friday
jew paper (hopefully done)

everynight: study italian

Sat, 10 Dec 2005 19:49:05 GMT

Grinnell Professors have no soul.

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 22:43:43 GMT

tehe. a friend here just told me that she is getting married. i feel like i'm gitty for her (don't worry, she's like 28 for all you family values-rejecting liberals).

busy busy busy.

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 02:25:59 GMT

constitutional law exams make the baby jesus cry.

Sat, 26 Nov 2005 18:57:09 GMT

I'm home for thanksgiving again. i realized that every time i come home, i spend most of my time trying to wake myself up. i don't know if grinnell just wears me out, or if it's jet lag or what. i'm just perpetually tired when i come home. it's really frustrating. i hate that i'm always falling asleep when for the last four weeks i've been looking forward to this weekend. but so it goes. 2 more years right?

yesterday was good none the less. spent the day with alex in smog/other togic substance filled vencie. went to roscoes with (lets see if i can name everyone) alex, kevin, steph, cris, andrew, dave, ben, jason, and derek. then we went to ben's house. it would have been beter had i chosen to drink i suppose...but it was still pretty fun. it makes me really excited for winter break though because he has a great party room. i'm amazed our group has held together this long. i didn't expect it. but i like it. somehow i think it has actually expanded over the course of the summer.

note: road trip up to berkley this summer for a weekend to chill in ben's empty appartment...best idea ever. and i can visit marie which is way exciting because she lives up there too.

end of stikingly similar to high school journal entry.

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 21:07:31 GMT

woo!!! i fixed my essay on confucianism. it is offically awsome...i think.

i am now sitting in the forum looking out the big panoramic window facing south campus. you realize how small this place is when u see someone leaving the south campus logia and can already recognize who they are from that far away.

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 23:46:36 GMT

it snowed yesterday. it was really pretty. it snowed today. it was really cold.

i seem to get depressed around 430 everyday.

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 16:35:27 GMT

i am in a crap mood. not sure why. yesterday was kinda chill. i fucked up my ankle the other night, so I couldn't really do anything. sarah and i just hung out and "did homework". then she and marie and mary patt came over to smoke and we hung out for a while. then they went to the concert. i stayed in due to me newly proclaimed gimp status. talked to alex. (this is me being passive agressive). went to bed. blah. i have about 20 hours of math in store for me in the next two days. blah as well. i want to be at home.

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 02:07:04 GMT

i'm bored...bored, bored, bored. it's 7:46. laura is coming over at "9". ahhh....so much time to kill. maybe if i type really slow...it will be 9 by the time i'm done.

today was....___________(fill in the blank). went to calc to find out that i have no idea what's going on. i should never have taken math again. it was a bad call. my major asian prof is a tool. sarah is having another date night. i find it very hard to believe that she and mike don't spend enough time together. she said she was going to come see limbeck with us tonight...but...yeah. had lunch with marie and mary patt...both of them are out of town tonight for their respective reasons. didn't go to italian...worked on my study abroad application instead...which is kind of serving the same goal. amanda (roomate...not third person amanda) is alseep.

i hate waiting. i suck at it. 4 out of 5 times i have to wait for someone, i end up getting stonded before they get here. to be slightly philosophical (hey, i have time to kill here) i think i'm so bad at waiting because I see time based on important dates. for instance, today is not november 11th, it is 12 days til i go home for break. days take on no meaning other that that event they are closest to. kind of contraditics the idea that it's the journey, not the result, which may or may not be true. perhaps i'm too results oriented. it would explain why i like calendars so much. damn it...still not even 8.

i have exasperated the combination of vodka and grapefruit juice. tonight, i switch to lemonade. you know what i hate?...facebook...and people...mostly facebook...mostly people.

i had random clips from the beatles white album stuck in my head when i was in the shower today...it was nice.

i noticed the other day that the word toasts looks remarkably like taoist when i saw a box of toast upside down at the foot of my bed. significant?

i miss the city. urban sprall and what not. getting lost in a crowd is ideal. perfectly alone...yet perfectly social.

ahuminah...i'm done.

today

Wed, 09 Nov 2005 22:32:18 GMT

Today was ok. Sarah and I decided not to go to major asian religions today...we went to mcnalleys and bought snacks for tonight instead (marie is feeling pretty down so we're gonna try to cheer her up with massive amounts of quacamole.) I went to see the career counsler today and he told me the scariest thing ever. once i explained to him what i thought i wanted to do...he said the two words i really didn't want to hear...law school. crap. unfortunatly, it makes perfect sense. and i could do a dual masters degree in religious studies at the same time and have credibility if i wanted to sell my soul and enter the political realm..which i might. he also thinks that i should try to get an internship with the rand corporation which seems alomst too good to be true...i think...i'm not sure if i just made that an option so that i had something to say when people asked me what i wanted to do. but any who. then i went to go see my program advisor for study abroad. apparently, the program in rome i want fills up really fast. and he thinks i need to take a stupid roman history course that i don't want to to strengthen my application. we'll see. i alomst got in trouble in the jewish tradition today by perhaps suggesting that jewish terrorism was reminicent of the mentality of the nazis...bad idea by the way. that's my day thus far...sarah, gretta, and i are going to yoga and then i may or may not write a paper. depends how full the moon is.

Thu, 03 Nov 2005 05:28:04 GMT

there are exactly 21 days until thanksgiving break. living your life based on a constant lit up countdown board like the one on family feud (best show ever) has its perks.

today was supposed to be the best day ever. i woke up and could just tell that it was good. people don't like when other people are too happy. it was a good day anyway...and yoga is awsome...even though i almost fell on my face...which was hilarious...i hope no one saw...i'm sure they did...blush.

estrangment feels like a pit in your stomach, a rock in your throat and a really big bed.

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 01:12:02 GMT

ya know what's awsome?...cheese.

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 17:21:55 GMT

boo!

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 04:37:18 GMT

something is off. piceces are not fitting together where they should...i suck at puzzles.

Tue, 13 Sep 2005 16:08:42 GMT

happy aniversary babe.

Thu, 12 May 2005 05:15:09 GMT

blah. what to saw, what to say? i have a stomach ache from too many cigarettes and other drugs. i was gonna write a theory paper tonight. didn't happen. watched harvey birdman instead. funny shit man. going home in some 10 days. have to shit out some makeshift intelligence before then. may happen. may not. glad this year is almost over. iowa is lame. i just feel like typing, i have nothing to say. but it makes me feel productive. maybe i'll muse instead. i'm writing a paper on the concept of the divided self. everyday i believe it more and more. not the paper. the paper is shit. but the idea of a person, torn by too many desires, needs, ambitions, faults..that kind of shit. i used to think that i knew what i wanted to do with my life. i had a plan. it was hard, but it was do-able. and hell, what else was there to do? might as well make goals for yourself. spralled on the wall of a bathroom stall i use almost everyday, it says, "life is what happens when you're making plans" or something like that. i think they attributed it to john lennon. sure why not? there are so many things that i used to want to do over the course of the next 10 years or so...i guess they were all pretty basic. finish college and what not. maybe spend a summer in dc cultivating my inner politician. spend a significant time abroad in italy. maybe the whole grad school scene. maybe just move somewhere i'd never been. stuff like that. just to figure out what fit. i'm not motivated to do anything anymore. i'm done with college. it's over rated.

i feel like such a weak person these days. i can think of two things that make me happy. los angeles (i.e. home) and alex. it makes me sad that i'm so excited to go home. i'm disapointed in myself for going back to the same old hostessing job and not trying to do something worth while. i want to live in the 50's. i want life to be simple. i don't trust myself to make decisions for myself. let someone else do it for me.

i got nothing. i have nothing to say. nothing to show for a year. nothing that can fix what's wrong. nothing that's driving me. nothing to keep me going, except the prospect that in 6 to 10 years maybe i'll be happy. what a crock.